My First Time

Pinch me. Go on. Pinch me. You are so kidding me. The house is still but for the clicking of the keyboard. The men are on their first father-and-son overnighter in the mountains.

I am home alone tonight.

do-not-disturbIn case you don’t quite see it: over three years as a human milk bottle, I’ve also served up 11,984 meals for the Little Person. Eight years of service and I’ve earned 24 hours of heartbreakingly gratifying, suspiciously sweet time to myself. I think I’ll cry. Make that 16 hours, as I need my sleep. (Dang it. I will cry.) My men have freed me up in the past but this will be the first time T’s bed will be empty. Even as I sign my declaration of independence, relishing in my SELFHOOD, my WOMANHOOD, my WRITERHOOD…I miss my boy. No matter how deep in the mountains he goes or how long he stays away, I am a mother. His mother, the one he’ll come home to as long as she’s breathing. I blink back tears.

So. In the meantime, what shall I do with myself??

– Hit the salon & spa. (Nah. I’ll tense on the table over how long it’s keeping me from the blog.)

– Do the dishes. (LAUGH. Laaauuggh.)

– Clean and mop. (And watch Dirt Vader come undo it tomorrow.)

– Organize all these papers. (Tempting.)

– Write my next post.

I can’t type fast enough. (Don’t bother commenting. Let me write.)

181 thoughts on “My First Time

  1. I’d play the music I want to play, watch the shows I want to watch, read a book, eat when I want to eat, dance around, write… And most of all… I would sit down. Sit down. Sit down. And then realize how much I miss them.

    • Yeah, our machine sucks. Came with the house. ”

      “Eight years of service and I’ve earned 24 hours of heartbreakingly gratifying, suspiciously sweet time to myself.”

      He’s 8. =)

  2. I’m late to the party, but soooo feeling your joy and delight.
    Spa?!?!?! I know, right πŸ˜‰ Sorry for the comment. Read, release and continue. Looking forward to your next post. xo

  3. The word “priceless” comes to mind, when I consider this post … But I avoid using over-used words as much as possible. But, I don’t use the word “priceless” very often, so I think I’m justified in using this word, especially if it fits. This idea and reality of being in an unprecedented place in parenting … a time of refection … a time where emotions may visit swirling with a few profound thoughts about these two men, two special men, and thoughts about you, and your journey … WOW. Yes. Priceless. And well written, my friend.

  4. AHHHHHH, I can so resonate with this! The closest I’ve come is to getting away with the hubs for a few days, and I ALWAYS find myself missing my Mini’s!! I can’t even imagine being at home completely alone – definitely in this same push-pull-tug-GAH position.

  5. To my favorite…”HOT AUNT”…(THERE I SAID IT AGAIN) xD
    You told me you were waiting for my next post…Well!Since you told me in advance that you’re waiting for my next post…I’m saying to you personally……..that I have just wrote it…and it would be a pleasure for me if you could read it and tell me…how is it written… ^_^

  6. I can’t believe this is your first time that you’ve been alone since T was born. Wow. I haven’t had many times alone, but I’ve had a few. When my mom came in February, we went to Rio de Janeiro for a few days together, and then to Buenos Aires for another 5 or so. That was the first time I ever traveled without them I think.
    I bet you thought you were in heaven eh.
    πŸ™‚

      • Hahahaha. Wow! Two nights? You may not know what to do with yourself. Funny how parenting seems to do that. Imagine when they grow and leave the house. Hmmmm…
        πŸ™‚

      • Yah. That’s what folks have said here; that’s why I homeschool. He’ll be gone before I know it. *Sniff sniff*

        They’re gone most of the day today!! LOL. I am knee-deep in a music project for our CC group and dare to hope I can actually write a post I’ve been wanting to all summer.

      • Haha. Yes, I can’t believe how fast they’re growing up. Caue is thriving thanks to homeschooling. You know, he’s suppose to be in grade three. We had to start him back at grade one when we started homeschooling. Now, he’s much happier, growing, experiencing what he’s learning and proud of himself. It does a mommy’s heart good.
        πŸ™‚

  7. I like it that the men of your household have a weekend out in the wilderness πŸ™‚ A great way for them to bond ~ and also to give their queen time to herself. And as someone with experience, gives the boy time to miss his mom and return running back to her open arms πŸ™‚

  8. Lol–the preciousness of alone time. A friend of mine just had a baby a year ago and it’s resulted in two screenplays because what little alone time she has she now uses to the fullest cuz there isn’t as much as it used to be. I loved the agony and ecstasy of relishing in the downtime even as you jump right into your work.

    • Goodness, if only she’d share her writing mojo, send some my tired way. I was out ALL (homeschool) day. JUST walked in. Much more agony than ecstasy over here. Please just stay happy and inspired for the both of us. I don’t mind your enjoying my share.

  9. Pingback: My Article Read (8-28-2015) | My Daily Musing

My Two Gold Cents in the Holistic Treasury

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