My First Time

Go on. Pinch me. You are so kidding me. The house is still but for the clicking of the keyboard. The men are on their first father-and-son overnighter in the mountains.

I am home alone tonight.

do-not-disturbIn case you don’t quite see it: over three years as a human milk bottle, I’ve also served up 11,984 meals for the Little Person. Eight years of service and I’ve earned 24 hours of heartbreakingly gratifying, suspiciously sweet time to myself. I think I’ll cry. Make that 16 hours, as I need my sleep. (Dang it. I will cry.) My men have freed me up in the past but this will be the first time T’s bed will be empty. Even as I sign my declaration of independence, relishing in my SELFHOOD, my WOMANHOOD, my WRITERHOOD…I miss my boy. No matter how deep in the mountains he goes or how long he stays away, I am a mother. His mother, the one he’ll come home to as long as she’s breathing. I blink back tears.

So. In the meantime, what shall I do with myself??

– Hit the salon & spa. (Nah. I’ll tense on the table over how long it’s keeping me from the blog.)

– Do the dishes. (LAUGH. Laaauuggh.)

– Clean and mop. (And watch Dirt Vader come undo it tomorrow.)

– Organize all these papers. (Tempting.)

– Write my next post.

I can’t type fast enough. (Don’t bother commenting. Let me write.)

183 thoughts on “My First Time

  1. As much as I appreciate the rare times I’m home alone, I must admit it feels a bit strange not having another person in the house, especially if it’s overnight. Enjoy your short freedom.

  2. LOL, the tears don’t come so fast when they are teenagers! Hubby and I have found ourselves suddenly alone a few times. It’s like p-a-r-t-y! We start jumping on the sofa and blasting loud music.

  3. I am a firm believer in the idea that we are better parents when we also take the time to take care of ourselves. It is an idea that far too many mothers don’t seem to get. They throw themselves into being a mom and then 20 years later, when their little urchins move on to the big, wide world, they don’t know what to do with themselves. But, more importantly, while those urchins are at home and being mothered, those moms are engaged in something that … well, I don’t know. Take care of your kiddo, but make sure you take care of yourself as well. You’ll be better for it. He’ll be better for it. And enjoy these few hours of peace and solitude and use them to identify ways that you can grab more of these moments for yourself in the future.

    • I really appreciate the encouragement. I HAVE had a hard time getting it through my head that I – and my family – will be better off for the breaks I allow myself. Thanks so much. =)


      • All I know is that if I didn’t have the opportunity to go for my runs, to go for my bicycle rides, to write, to garden, to try to learn classical guitar, and a few other things over the years, I don’t believe I could have been as engaged in their activities and their lives as I was. And I was. You deserve the opportunity to keep a hold on yourself while also taking care of those who are dear to you. Good luck. My kids are 20 and 17. It is a constant struggle.

  4. I love hitting the like button when I like something. I’m amazed at the statistics. I think you’ve graduated FMA Faithful Mother Award, and of course the FSA Faithful Spouse Award. Not sure if you’ve finished your stats degree yet?

    • *A long, good laugh* Ha ha ha. All right, Ian. I’m glad I let the button BE just so you can whop it. I was in fact looking at the numbers and thinking you guys really liked this one. =) All good things come to an end (this side of Heaven, at least) and one popular post holds no promises for future ones. So I have to continue to sweat and knock ’em out just like everyone else. =) Thanks for the cheer! Happy writing to you, Ian.

  5. Enjoy your alone time, D. The boys will be back before you know it and you’ll need to help them unpack and perhaps nurse a few sore muscles here and there. They might be chatting about the trip for days too…so really, enjoy the silence while you can. And good luck writing 🙂

  6. How wonderful. Enjoy the silence, but even more, enjoy the noise when it returns. It’s all about perspective. Some years down the road, you will have so very much silence…and you will surely miss the noise and mess, for it reflects the chaos of ordinary life, and extraordinary family. 💕

  7. I noticed you asked us not to bother to comment. And, we all ignored you. That’s sad really. It’s not our fault. Your writing compels us to comment and slap that like button. I think the teen years is where their behavior conditions the mother instinct to boot them out of the nest. Until then, enjoy those precious few free moments. 🙂

  8. What you said don’t bother commenting or some such nonsense? This was great and I hope you enjoyed your mini vacation,. I bet the guys had a grand time and T. had much to tell you when he got home. I hope they took a camera so you can have a look at the scenery.

    • I reserved a site we’d been to so I knew exactly where T was, the amenities he’d have, LOL. P discovered he didn’t like that, didn’t feel new or adventurous and insisted they are going for TWO days next time farther in another part of the state. =) After my little vaca, well…I found myself not arguing. Ha ha ha.

  9. Love this lol!! I haven’t had a day off since Feb 2014! And i am sure i will be super confused when -if- I get one! What to do with all that free time lol

  10. I see that your 24 hours of being home alone has come and gone! I hope you lived in the moment and simply enjoyed time as is without conditions or expectations. Looking forward to the posts that will come out of this time.

    • Would you believe I ended up not being able to write for all the comments? That was one post where I should’ve disabled them, ha ha ha. I spent my first vacation trying to catch up and visit people back.

  11. When you wrap it up in that many meals and hours it hardly seems like enough of a break. But I get it. When we are in the thick of motherhood we, or I daydream about me time. I rarely get it but when I do I cherish it. Yet I still miss my munchkins. Enjoy the peace and write.

  12. Salute to all moms,sisters and wives who try so hard for their sons,brothers and husbands….They are the real fighters of life…Unfortunately,we males…never thank often….beside being a narcissist of our own qualities…..

  13. I am one of seven children. My mother went from her father’s house to the home she shared with my father and all of us. About a month after my younger sister moved out to go to college, her last child, I was speaking with her on the phone. My parents had long since divorced. She said, “You know what I did today? I walked naked from one end of the house to the other. That’s right… Naked. I could walk around naked everyday if I felt like it. I might just do that and get it out of my system. Or maybe, now that I have a little time to myself I’ll become one of those women who live in communes and are naked all the time. ” Then she laughed and laughed and laughed.

    Go big or go home, my friend and whatever you pick, try it naked……

  14. My girlfriend and I married late and in our thirties we bemoaned all the time our single hood. Then we got married and waxed on about the luxuries of our single life. Simple luxuries, really. Like going to the bathroom alone and not having to tell your spouse to bend over to see the thing he is looking for is in the same place it has been for the past five years on the bottom shelf.

  15. It’s the old, ‘be careful what you wish for’ syndrome, lol. You dream of having some peaceful quiet time, yet when it finally comes you can’t decide how to spend it. Before you know it, the boys will be home again. 🙂 xo

  16. I know it’s been a cvouple of days, and your family is all home and back in the routine of everyday life.
    I hope you did have an oppurtunity to enjoy yourself during your OneNess.
    Good for you
    Be well

  17. Reblogged this on HarsH ReaLiTy and commented:
    Didn’t read THIS post either! But still sharing it. Actually… I read the last line. Or was it the first line? See now you got me all confused… -OM
    Note: Comments disabled here, please visit their blog.

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