You Didn’t Know I Kissed You Tonight

Night has pressed her hand to your eyes. You fly dragons over magic rivers and lead clone
armies through red dust of Mars.

I follow your brows, lashes, these long limbs, hands that build Lego tales and castles,
draw warbirds, roll out sixteenth triplets; these hands feel older now. Whom will they hold?
I watch you outgrow this bed but you refuse to outgrow the smell of your mother’s skin.
You bury your face in my shirt and come up sated, remembering the milk and my heartbeat.

You are my heart.

There’s so much you want to know and I don’t have the answers for, things for astronomers
and professors to tell. And you didn’t know I kissed you tonight and a thousand times
past. But when I’m outnumbered by time, you will always have this sky, a hospitable spread
of stars that are yours for the asking, when you wake.

stars-in-the-night-sky

219 thoughts on “You Didn’t Know I Kissed You Tonight”

  3. I could hear my own mother’s voice. She was a demon slayer with a heart of gold. My siblings and I were the only thing that made her cry. To a son, no love is ever greater. Beautifully written.

    1. A demon slayer…. =) I love how you could feel her love as a SON. I’ve thought a lot about this and I actually think sons will take a very, very long time to fully appreciate all their mother did for them bc they don’t get to enjoy the insane privilege of stepping into the rich, demanding role of motherhood themselves. Not to be antimale, esp with one who took the time with such a thoughtful, kind word. =)

      1. Yes, you are right. It truly was a slow awakening to what a dedicated and loving mother suffered to see me make it to adulthood. My mother was strict but not unnecessarily so. She never failed to nurture, guide, teach or support and by the time I was in my late teens she was letting me chart my own path but always ready to help me get back up after a fall. She was a young mother. I remember going with her to pick up her high school diploma and I was the second child. I remember how happy she was to finally graduate after twice having to leave school to bring my brother and I into the world. She died young having used herself up trying to get four of us ready for life. I drifted in a military life and in my darkest days at my worst moment, I thought of her and I knew she would not let me give up. She never did. That’s when I understood what her sacrifice was for. I also realized how fortunate I was to have someone that cared so much. What we learn as young boys about love and respect toward our mother and sisters is how we will act as men toward our wives, daughters, and other women we meet along our journey. The importance of that relationship can never be overstated. Your post was a beautiful view from a mother’s side.

      2. This is so precious. She sounds amazing for having nurtured and pushed you all forward when she had her own hopes for herself yet unfulfilled in many respects. Thank you so much for sharing! You do realize this is a Mother’s Day post…? =) Feel free, certainly, to post it next month.

        Diana

      3. My head elves and I are in consultation as I type this. You’ve given me an idea for a new project to work on 🙂

  6. “Deep in stories written by moonlight”…just one of the great images from this striking piece. Thanks for the time you take to share your gift with us.

  10. It reminded me so much of time spent with my daughters when they were growing up…it really touched my heart, as only you can do when you write from your heart! Hugs and blessings dear sister! God bless you always!

  12. Who hasn’t looked at their sleeping child and wished the moon and stars for them? During the daytime, we are so busy taking care of, picking up after and teaching our kids right from wrong. We are immersed in today. But oh at night when they sleep, that is when the dreams (and fears) for our children awake in us.

  14. Thank you for sharing such a touching post. My son is now 22 and daughter 19 they still say goodnight with a kiss. My son is kissed on the forehead and daughter on the cheek. When they go out we still give them a kiss so they don’t miss out. There are times when I greet them early in the morning when they return from parties, clubbing and again wish them a good night (early in the morning). This ritual will continue I guess until one day they are ready to move out of home. In my heart I will always be kissing them goodnight and sending positive thoughts. 🙂 🙂 ❤

  16. Gorgeous! I’m sure you’re not surprised I love this one 🙂 The emotions you express so beautifully of wanting to hold your child close, your child wanting the same, while knowing soon enough you need to release your baby into the wide world. A magical piece that expresses a universal experience…

    1. This is the poem I had mentioned that I was turning over in my head a few months back. =) Decided it worked as poetic prose, something I don’t put out often. I love sharing this part of the journey with you, Kate. Thanks for walking alongside.

      Xxx

  17. A beautifully written post. I have noticed that some women have children and some women savor children. While some women fit children into their lives, others make children their lives. The latter group enjoys every moment of motherhood, including pregnancy. Breast feeding becomes a time of silent revelry, changing diapers a celebration of a sound body and the first word, a well-earned Nobel Prize. It’s quite clear which group you belong to 🙂

    1. How heartwarming, MG. Carrying him, birthing him (at home in water), and nourishing him from those earliest days have been nothing short of sacred. Though I admit it’s felt less so when he became old enough to consciously disobey and frustrate Mom. =) I love the first word, the Nobel Prize. What do the dads get? =)

  18. Your writing is exquisite. I always enjoy reading your posts, no matter the subject. And I like the fresh new photo, almost like a welcome to spring!

  36. Reminds me about occasions when I kiss my little angel while I leave early morning for my job. There is so much to express that I don’t even know if she may understand. Yes, there will always be the starry night sky, and tender flowers in the garden that will give my daughter some subtle joyful moments, forever!
    Nice post – a perfect reflection of every parent’s feelings!

  38. Beautiful words. Lots of love, and vulnerability within those sentences. It’s always hard to let go of something or someone, especially someone, who means so much to you and gives you the warm fuzzy feelings every single day, every single moment.

      6. I don’t tweet or face either. I do text, but it’s long form. I don’t know all the abbreviations. I once tried to put a picture of my dog on the sidebar and it got embedded into a story I was about to send to an editor. And there were no dogs in the story.

  47. Stunning. Your words have stirred the joy and heartache and promise and privilege that are only molecules in the wonder of parent/child. Tears of the good kind 🙂

  48. I loved this Diana, it left me with tears welling, having tugged on the strings in my heart which resonate with the love, hopes and fears I have for my own two boys. Thank you. Sophie

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