You Didn’t Know I Kissed You Tonight

Night has pressed her hand to your eyes. Deep in stories written by moonlight, you
fly dragons over magic rivers and lead clone armies through the red dust of Mars.

I follow your brows, lashes, these long limbs – the lines of your biography.
Hands that build Lego tales and castles, draw warbirds, roll out sixteenth triplets;
these hands feel older now. Who will they lead? Who will they hold? I’m watching you
outgrow this bed but you refuse to outgrow the smell of your mother’s skin. You bury
your face in my shirt and come up sated, remembering the milk and my heartbeat.

You are my heart.

There’s so much you want to know and I don’t have the answers, things for astronomers
and professors to tell. And you didn’t know I kissed you tonight and a thousand times
past and will kiss you all my tomorrows. But when I’m outnumbered by time,
you will always have this sky, a hospitable spread of stars that are yours for the asking –
even when you wake.

stars-in-the-night-sky

210 thoughts on “You Didn’t Know I Kissed You Tonight

  1. This is beautiful, D. I was all prepared to come at you with one of my usual silly jokes, but couldn’t. Every morning when I’m up before the sun to run I kiss them too. They never know. And what’s funny is that I recently found out that when I fall asleep early, they do the same to me.

  2. Absolutely beautiful Diana – so many wonderful images: ‘stories written by moonlight’ / ‘the lines of your biography’ / ‘when I’m outnumbered by time’. Full of love, memory, longing and hope.

  3. Reblogged this on fatherofgoodtimes and commented:
    Really nice words thinking about it I use to wait until my son was fast asleep before I kissed him and left him in the the room one night the phone rang and I had to rush out the room to answer it when my son jumped up on his bed and said you didn’t kiss me good night all this time I thought he did not know but now I kiss him before I put him to bed

  4. What a gift! I especially like the first line, and the way it is framed with the star reference at the end. The bit in between, well, it is simply warm, poignant and speaks to being a father, too… although the breast bit doesn’t work so well for me.

  5. Beauty beauty pure beauty. I love the image of you kissing him in his sleep while noticing how the stars will be permanent witnesses even when he’s outgrown childhood.

  6. This is such an awesome ode to the beauty of love between a mother & son. A mother wanting to hold him close forever, but knowing that to let him go free is the only way to be. Beautiful Diana.

  7. “Night has pressed her hand to your eyes”

    This line alone was worth my brief emersion from hiding. Beautiful, Diana. T-dog is a blessed boy to have you for his mama. If only they knew how often we kissed them in their sleep. xoxoxo

    • Been thinking of you. Glad you’re alive!! Thanks so much for the lovely feedback. And I love that you remember his nickname. *grin* (He was in the DoGhOuSe last wk. Dunno what to do about his poor schoolwork ethic. Eh.)

      Keep shining!

      Xoxoxo
      Diana

      • Oh noooo…the doghouse! What son doesn’t try to push the mama buttons?!
        I’ve missed your wit and writing. I’m still writing – just not publishing these days. All good, though. Thank you for the quick hello. Love your gravatar photo!! xo

      • There you go, a helpless writer – with everything else piled on your plate.

        And it was time to shed that coat, with Spring here. The new pic was an experiment but looks like I’ll keep it.

        Love,
        me

  8. I always kiss my boys before I go to sleep myself. Mostly they do not notice – I can even completely rearrange the blankets around them, turn them half around, the just continue sleeping. But once in a while, when I give him this later-night-kiss, little one sits up in bed, wraps his arms around me and kisses me back. Then he falls back into his blankets. He never remembers in the mornings.

    • *smile* I like it that he doesn’t remember. That was the point of the post, that there are many things we do for them and that we look at them beyond their knowing and understanding. Thanks for the heartwarming share.

      Diana

  9. “They are the lines of your biography,” how profound Diana. A lovely confession for the love of your child, and wonderful words used to express the progression of time. ❀

  10. You just threw me in a time machine which sent me back to the nursing and bonding days. I nursed my 7 yr old for 15 months and the 5 yr old for 2 years. The other day I asked son #2 why he only wants me to sleep with him when he’s scared of monsters (in other words, why only interrupt my sleep). He said that he likes my perfume. I don’t wear perfume – only body spray, very light scent – so what he was referring to was my Dove baby powder scented deodorant. That’s a scent that’s etched into his DNA. I wouldn’t be surprised if my grandkids (if he procreates) would be instantly attracted to baby powder scent ;))

    Oh and of course bravo, as always, never-disappointingly-well-written xx

    • LOL. They’re also learning – and memorizing – the feel and smell of WOMAN. He’s about to turn 8 and the last few months have been more hungry to cuddle at night, wishing he could sleep with me again. I guess it’s the lingering attachmt before the big leap into big boyhood.

      • I love that description! “learning – and memorinzing – the feel and smell of WOMAN”. I hear you; frustrating when we want them to be independent and they get more needy. I’m very lax when it comes to the “family bed” of attachment parenting. Simply because I’ve tried the techniques the “experts” suggest, like getting up and bringing them back to their bed. The idea is that eventually (maybe a week) they will stay put in their bed. I have 2 kids that I have to lug from my bed to their respective rooms and beds multiple times a night. My philosophy is f*@k it! Go with the flow. So sometimes one or both sleep through the night but mostly in the middle of the night sometime they make their way to my bed. And our dog makes her way there too.

        Two adults, two kids and one dog. Talk about attachment parenting lol.

      • LOL YAY I’m not the only one!!!! And wow – bravo for nursing that long. That’s commitment.

      • You ARE ambitious after all. I thank you kindly for taking on my suggestions. I’m making my way through them.

      • Hahahahah omg…you see even between native English speakers communication can be a challenge. HW READERS TAKE NOTE. Just imagine my spanglish life and all the lovely communication blunders we have. Sheesh! Thanks for clarifying lol…that wasn’t embarrassing at all πŸ˜‰

      • Ha ha not a big deal. (TRUST me. I have me big ol’ piles of stuff screaming for my attention in every room this moment, dishes to laundry to…eh) *March. Left, Right, Left, Right*

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