1. Develop amnesia. Find some way to forget what he did. Or didn’t do (again). Go without sleep or spin 50 times to reduce cognitive faculty. Stick a finger in the socket.
2. If biting your tongue hurts too much, pop some chocolate. Sure, every time.
3. Lie. Tell yourself he’s listening. The short-lived delusion will reap a harvest of peace for the home, the good of the kids.
4. Use your imagination. He mistook medication for digestive enzymes and is suffering severe side effects. Yeah, that’s it. He’s sick.
5. Count to 10. No, 40. In Portuguese – or Swahili. Lose yourself in a dictionary. Hec, master a foreign language. You’ll get there in no time and can have any job you want. (Let me help. I can count to 1,000,000 in Korean.)
6. Don’t repeat your requests and be called a nag. Text him the list of Honey Dos (even if you’re sitting facing him) after breakfast when glucose has hit the brain before he plans his day. Lunch is too late, what with food coma and that sweet nap. Cap it at three tasks or he’ll ignore ’em. Reward him with a drink between tasks. Your head hurts? Consider the mental tap-dancing your cerebral exercise for the day. You’re excused from the Times crossword and Sudoku.
There. You might find yourself mangled, bruised, or diabetic. But gosh darn it, you are loving each other to death. Nothing worth having spares the suffering, and he is so worth it. Because when the amnesia wears off, you’ll remember: he said I do. And in his helplessly human way, he has.
A Holistic Journey 
Alright, D. I had Peggy read it, and I heard her laughing. I do confess I like the idea of rewards. I could be inspired to do more than one-manly chore per month if they were sufficient…. 🙂
Sounds like a win-win over there. I think I’ve taken your marriage to the next level. Bill’s in the mail.
I never knew marriage was so strategic.
-Alan
LOL. Indeed. Anything that requires survival is.
I love this, esp 1, 3 & 6. I don’t dare show it to my wife. Maybe anonymously!🤓
Oh, come on, S. Text doesn’t hurt. No yelling, no parroting. You just DO for your honey and…peace. You’re safe in your marriage. *grin*
So Funny! But love calls for long patience. 💝🌹💝 have a fantastic day between the bends!
A lot of bends!
That was hilarious. Have you ever read the book “Love and Respect” by Eggerich?
No. =) Will keep in mind.
Wonder what satire would hubby write?
May your loving trust for each other last forever. 🙂
Ha ha ha. Yep, the trust we drip on this blog.
🙂
For a truly happy marriage, there must be NO lies or secrets between the husband and wife. The husband must love his wife beyond his life. The husband’s whole life must be dedicated to the full support of whatever his wife wants to try, and be there for her if she fails with 100% support on matter what the cost.
Ephesians 5:33 (KJV) 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife sees that she reverence her husband.
Amen| Thank you! =)
that was brilliant , it slayed me cause i know my partner would agree lol 😊
You can still show it to her. LOL.
i did ,😊 she said true 😊
LOL. Thx. Here. A pass for a free drink and popcorn on her next visit.
🍿🍹thank you 😊
Hilarious 🙂 They are different species.
Couldn’t have summed it up better myself. LOL.
loved it! Soooo true! I have to work on these….
Heh heh. Welcome to the Club!
😀
😉
“…after breakfast when glucose has hit the brain before he plans his day.” jajajaja That’s the winning formula 🙂
LOL. It’s such a delicate operation.
Lol. True.
Love it… Although to a 25 year old single girl can be a frightening thought, for the right man all the above and more than worth it…
I’ve been planning to do a post on how we all want to be happy…as happy as HER, as HIM. As all those people living the fairy tale. And everyone is thinking this.
I think what you are saying about marriage is exactly what Brad Paisley says in this song: https://youtu.be/O_t8Yuzp6aE
Interesting how the song’s a male perspective bc that’s what my husband would say. In fact, that’s what he did with the kale I served him when we were dating (and I didn’t know any better, LOL.) I’m a different ballgame, a straight-shooter. If it interests any, you might find some comfort in this:
https://holisticwayfarer.com/2016/01/19/the-path-you-might-have-taken/
A thoroughly enjoyable read!
Thank you, Andrea. =)
These ARE good! Love it.
=) I appreciate the support, Laura.
Love the creativity in this post! While all those things about husbands can be annoying for sure, you hit the nail on the head at the end. He is just human after all. And so are we as wives. But we chose each other and can ride out all our human flaws together.
Well said, Jessica. And thanks for the follow. =)
Haha! Bittersweet.
YEP!
❤️❤️❤️❤️
This is hilariously written and 100% true 😂
Loved it!
=) Glad you enjoyed. Thanks for the feedback.
Absolutely LOVED reading through this!i really liked the mention of number 6,as infigured this one out AGES ago!LOL I can’t believe we seriously have to mentally negotiate these things and he has NO clue about them whatsoever!the best detail in this post was the ending,what a lovely way to finish it all off
Was (painfully) fun writing. LOL. Sorry you can relate. 😉 Thanks for the follow.
Great…. 😍
Appreciate the support.
Hi, Thanks for liking one of my posts!
Your blog is lovely, and you have an extremely witty way of putting things into perspective. Definitely agree with the Amnesia point! 😄
Happy new year!
HA! Happy new yr!
I love this one. 🙂
Made me smile! 😀
*wink*