Secrets to a Happy Marriage: For Women

1. Develop amnesia. Find some way to forget what he did. Or didn’t do (again). Go without sleep or spin 50 times to reduce cognitive faculty. Stick a finger in the socket.

2. If biting your tongue hurts too much, pop some chocolate. Sure, every time.

3. Lie. Tell yourself he’s listening. The short-lived delusion will reap a harvest of peace for the home, the good of the kids.

4. Use your imagination. He mistook medication for digestive enzymes and is suffering severe side effects. Yeah, that’s it. He’s sick.

5. Count to 10. No, 40. In Portuguese – or Swahili. Lose yourself in a dictionary. Hec, master a foreign language. You’ll get there in no time and can have any job you want. (Let me help. I can count to 1,000,000 in Korean.)

6. Don’t repeat your requests and be called a nag. Text him the list of Honey Dos (even if you’re sitting facing him) after breakfast when glucose has hit the brain before he plans his day. Lunch is too late, what with food coma and that sweet nap. Cap it at three tasks or he’ll ignore ’em. Reward him with a drink between tasks. Your head hurts? Consider the mental tap-dancing your cerebral exercise for the day. You’re excused from the Times crossword and Sudoku.

There. You might find yourself mangled, bruised, or diabetic. But gosh darn it, you are loving each other to death. Nothing worth having spares the suffering, and he is so worth it. Because when the amnesia wears off, you’ll remember: he said I do. And in his helplessly human way, he has.


192 thoughts on “Secrets to a Happy Marriage: For Women

  1. Alright, D. I had Peggy read it, and I heard her laughing. I do confess I like the idea of rewards. I could be inspired to do more than one-manly chore per month if they were sufficient…. πŸ™‚

  2. For a truly happy marriage, there must be NO lies or secrets between the husband and wife. The husband must love his wife beyond his life. The husband’s whole life must be dedicated to the full support of whatever his wife wants to try, and be there for her if she fails with 100% support on matter what the cost.

    Ephesians 5:33 (KJV) 33 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife sees that she reverence her husband.

  3. Love the creativity in this post! While all those things about husbands can be annoying for sure, you hit the nail on the head at the end. He is just human after all. And so are we as wives. But we chose each other and can ride out all our human flaws together.

  4. Absolutely LOVED reading through this!i really liked the mention of number 6,as infigured this one out AGES ago!LOL I can’t believe we seriously have to mentally negotiate these things and he has NO clue about them whatsoever!the best detail in this post was the ending,what a lovely way to finish it all off

  5. Hi, Thanks for liking one of my posts!
    Your blog is lovely, and you have an extremely witty way of putting things into perspective. Definitely agree with the Amnesia point! πŸ˜„
    Happy new year!

My Two Gold Cents in the Holistic Treasury

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