I May Be a Man

What is UP with the drama? Look, I don’t need any. See me over here sitting quietly on the end of the girly, feminine spectrum? I hate shopping, don’t do eyeliner, clip these nails the moment they’re long enough to go. If you want to torture me, force me to endure a bridal or baby shower and make me play the games – your idea of fun. I have nothing to add to inane talks about your favorite TV shows because I’m a bore who doesn’t watch TV or movies. I’d rather be writing my book on the meaning of life. Are you getting this? I’m not a busybody, don’t know pop culture, don’t gossip. And I still attract drama.

Because I am a woman.

Oh, to be a man! When life is as simple as the pork juice on your chin and the beer bite on your tongue. To be able to hear yes and no without translating no and no. To enjoy the peace of mind that a few minutes of exchange will not spin into a saga. Why in the world did I spend those months investigating the sport of fighting, wondering why men punched one another and then hugged? Oh, if I could upper cut a woman who pushes me over the edge, shake her hand, and call it good with some honest fun in a mean game on the court. Only with women could a BFFship of years dissolve in one hard acid day.

And how do you men take your nice, strong arm and sweep the clutter of To Dos off your mental table? It’s a gift – the amazing ability to check in with yourself, distill competing voices down to your need in the moment. Why did I ever complain of your one-track mind? Food, sex, game that’s on, sleep. You just roll over, close those eyes, and…”Honey? Honey? I was saying –” You’re gone. Way off in a deep sea of sweet nothingness. I’m jealous. I’m stupid. I mean, why wouldn’t I want sex or sleep? Ah, but I carry within the million-dollar answer. Hostage to hormones. People say that time of the month like it’s one day. It can run a week, people. And that’s all just the merry prelude to the bloody show. Did you know many of us also feel discomfort and get emotional when we ovulate? How many clear and free days does that leave us in the month? I’m pleased not to be one of those women who can call up tears at will. But catch me on the right days, and I’m a bawling mess. Weeks like this, I’m not sure which is worse. To be a woman or to have to live with one.


183 thoughts on “I May Be a Man

  1. Ik kan het niet eens zijn met dit artikel. Ik denk, geen uitzonderingen! Veel mannen voelen anders! U kunt kijken naar mijn blog. Daar ik al gezegd een denken. Zdenek

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  3. This cheered me up! Of course, I’m a (gay) man with a feminine brain and, yes, I too have often wondered how men can be in the throws of passion one minute and then snoring the next.. oh, and do they really have mental to do lists?…mmmm….

  4. Oh God.. I totally loved this article. And so true is it, I many a times feel I too had a one track mind, and sleep even when someone is talking to me. I hate when women are cryptic in their language, and at times I too tend to act that way. I hate those days of mood swings, Men have such simpler ways, totally enjoyed this article!

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  6. Oh, yes! Perfectly true! I may be a man a too. There are words in this post that hit my soft spot – I hate shopping. No nice fingernails. Truth is, if you want to punish me, have me cook – and my sign is cancer, imagine that; I should be the epitome of home-cooked mom. I’m a mom spoiling her small little brat of a boy, though… 🙂

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