Insider Looking Out?

I got in a reader request today. She wanted to hear from the insiders. My questions for them:

So who of you grew up feeling you were an insider? Where or what group did you feel a part of? Was it by race or class? If not, was it tiring to maintain your status, stay “cool”? How deeply did this sense of belonging define you? Did you notice those who were outside or on the fringe? Did the easy belonging feed or diminish insecurity? Have you found yourself working harder to fit in anywhere over the years?

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76 thoughts on “Insider Looking Out?

  1. In linking this to the posts on ‘race around the world’, (and I don’t know if there is a connection), I wonder if insiders actually are aware of being so. I remember doing research on xenophobia in 2008, and not realizing my own privileged status as a foreigner to South Africa who was not vulnerable to xenophobia or at risk. I only started to realize how my foreign identity was disguised when I began to listen to the students I was researching, and to hear the difficulties faced on a day to day basis.

    I think sometimes it’s the ‘outsiders’ who are aware of where the boundaries or limits are, because of exclusions or marginalizations. And it’s the reason marginalized people need a to be listened to.

    • Of course there is a connection. =) That is one question I’m exploring. How aware insiders are. Interesting when awareness are self-consciousness are near synonyms, not twins. So in your case your status as a foreigner actually shielded you from xenophobia? Because you didn’t live there longterm to have to deal with it day-in, day-out?

      • No, actually it was race related. What was called xenophobia was actually an extension of the colonial idea that fairness of skin equaled citizenship rights. People from Africa were said to be discriminated against by the media, but xenophobia is often aimed at people with very dark skin. During the SA attacks, people who were ‘white’ and from Zimbabwe were not discriminated against. I am English, and I was unaware of the levels of anxiety my colleagues faced everyday.

        I think I have to learn, all of the time, to listen, to be aware of blindspots, and to be open to challenging my world views. I have to allow people to share, and I have to respect what is said. And it is the only way I can learn the limits, so that they can hopefully be changed, to give a deeper sense of dignity and belonging.

      • In critical theory, the lack of awareness of discrimination is called privilege. Talking about it sometimes makes people angry, but it is the technical term. Privilege is said to be unconscious.

      • I love this last comment of yours. The laymen’s term would be taking it for granted. That’s why the Race went so well. It ended up enlightening not only for the majority of us to whom the presentation was new but also for those (some of the writers, esp) who realized their privilege for the first time in processing it.

      • It was actually a lovely project to read. It was really about true reflexivity and exploration, and it was handled in such a kind and compassionate manner. So often, conversations like that get everybody all red and angry, but that one was done in a way we call ‘dialogue’, with multiple perspectives and insights, all treated with respect. It was inspiring to watch.

    • When an animal is fearful, it will more often attack. For example: dogs that attack are usually fearful of whatever kind of person they attack.

      Since you were the “foreigner” should you not have feared those who feared foreigners?

      • No, I wasn’t marked as a foreigner, and so I was safe. the people who were feared/distrusted/marginalized were afraid. Sadly, the situation was based on skin colour and hair type (racial profiling).

    • No apology called for, esp when I’ve used the word myself. (Sometimes you stare at a word because it suddenly looks like an alien.) So you have said you are “very Indian”, Rajiv. But even in the midst of fellow Indians you have always felt outside the circle. Do you know why?

      • This is very interesting – cause I am an Indian too and have felt an outsider, within India, whilst growing up, as an adult and still do! And now that I live in London, I’m still an ‘outsider’ but this time more with regards to race and that is easier to deal with in a way. What was and is tougher is the inherent ‘different-ness’ that was perceived by others (which I never understood), that made me an outsider even within people of my own race, country, college or school! My ideas were different, my thinking was different, what interests me is different – but – I never realised that it was! It was only when I realised that I was always on the fringes, that I became aware of my perceived ‘differentness’! And funnily enough I still don’t know what that is! lol! NOw I am rambling – so I shall stop right here and hope to God that I’ve made some sense :). Thank you for listening!

      • So interesting, Anjali. You bring up something big. So what do you do when you don’t know why you don’t seem to belong? I didn’t want to preempt Rajiv in the response but I wonder if he can share, if he sEEs, a collective consciousness India has for certain things.

  2. I have always looked at the world from my personal inside looking out because, from a very young age never felt part of any social norm, to shy, too poor, too unatractive, too weird, too fat, too smart for my own good, too dim, too slow. Now that I have survived long enough to be considered too old I have found peace in my oddness, and celebrate it.

  3. Wow, what a great question. When I think about my childhood, I recall feeling “in” here and there – at church, when with my family. These were clearly formative for me, and helped me navigate the many experiences that were the opposite. I can’t quite imagine what it is like for children who don’t have these, or other, touchstones.

    • Actually, I almost stated that I was referring to social circles outside family (although many of us don’t feel we belong in family settings). But you bring up a huge point, one that ballooned into a post draft, on family/adoption/belonging. I agree with your final thought, Allen. One disclaimer is that even (or often, especially) at church, people feel on the fringe. But that is good to hear you weren’t one of them. =)

    • “was never conscious of the need to feel an insider or an outsider.”
      This + the easy friendships = Insider.
      “I was conscious of that need in others though.” = Empathy
      Ian = Awesome reader

      =)

  4. Diana, you say: “One disclaimer is that even (or often, especially) at church, people feel on the fringe.”
    I think, this applies very much to me. I attend church (Mass) whenever I can. None of my family belong to a church. So in this regard I feel I am outside my family and also outside of every church member, for I just do not attend any church functions.

    • I can see that, Aunty. Quite a shame that many don’t feel readily embraced in church. Arguably, the more involved you became, the more easily you could build relationships, give others a chance to know you. But I understand that’s not quite something you may wish to do. Thx for staying with me.

      Xxx
      Diana

  5. It is difficult to reply to this question. The answer is not hard, but to express it could seem vain and narcissistic. Being an insider was simply a strong sense of who I was, where I was, and having gratitude and joy in and for both. Roots give one an advantage in any situation, a keen awareness of what’s going on around you helped, and truly liking other people was key. It was not effortless, but it was an easy effort. I was fortunate to have been taught early on we pretty much get what we give, so the more inclusive I was, the more I was included. Even though I was shy at heart, and had obstacles like everyone else, it never occurred to me I would be anything other than in the core of it all. And when there were circumstances where someone wished to exclude me, I moved on and never looked back. It seemed practical; why would I want to be with someone who did not want to be with me? I think the circles we draw around ourselves actually determine our insideness or outsideness. If we draw a huge circle and welcome all, we are insiders. If we draw circles intended to keep people away, we have made them the outsiders, not ourselves. And by the way, thank you for allowing me to come into your circle. I like it there!

    • Wow. You give me some things to think about. You put everything so well I’m not sure what to start commenting on. First off, I really enjoy getting to know you. I can picture the younger you, big-hearted as ever, happily making herself at home with people and giving out the love you had plenty of.

      You put your finger on the suggestive questions. Can we talk about this and answer in the affirmative without sounding or feeling narcissistic? I think so. You certainly have. Kids shoULD grow up feeling they have belonged. In a solid, loving family. In a circle of friends and a community. Now, how we allow our sense of self to grow dependent on social affirmation is a different story. And that’s where the giving that you speak of comes into play. That we keep an open, giving heart. I find your story interesting because you are no professing extrovert. You say you were shy at heart.

      What you say about our ability to determine the size of our own circles and actually make ourself an insider is good food for thought. But I know many feel not only unsure how to do that but don’t understand why they don’t draw friendships easily. Like Anjali who replied to me and Rajiv.

      As to your fitting in here, you (characteristically) made yourself right at home and I can only thank you for that.

      Xxx
      Diana

      • Thank you for welcoming me! I have noticed an interesting dynamic with blogging that reflects our discussion; a bit like life, itself. We all have a common foundation in our desire to write, or share our visual art. We put our most vulnerable selves out there, and by that, are inviting others to come into our circle, share our journey. How trusting and brave writers are to do such a thing! And then there are fellow lovers of the word, like you, who make the experience so lovely, and affirming. If I had a wish for anyone it would be to come on in, join in, and allow the world to know you. I know I sound like Mr. Rogers, but I like you just the way you are!

  6. Now that is an interesting question HW. As it was pointed out, we often are not aware that we are insiders until there are outsiders present. Inside/outside seems to be externally determined by a group or a concept – something not of us, divides us. It would be hard to imagine a quality or concept on this planet that would enable humans to all be insiders. But imagine, if you will, the arrival of extra-terrestrials. Suddenly being human would be an insider characteristic. And shortly thereafter imagine, the arrival of an energy based being with no physical presence that communicated using electromagnetic waves. Now humans and the first extra-terrestrials are insiders – those with a corporeal existence. So, we could theoretically be insiders with a hitherto unknown extra-terrestrial species with not even our planet in common. It seems that “insider” is not an intrinsic quality.

    Which brings up another thought: when I think about “insider” I automatically think “exclusionary” because it seems that so often we become insiders in order to be exclusionary. For instance religion. But that does not have to be true. For those who can accept that there is more than one truth in this world, religion can be inclusionary. Provided it includes God, the ultimate Inclusionist. Any concept below God can be used to divide or exclude. Using the extra-terrestrial example again, those who truly have Faith will immediately recognize that both the corporeal and non-corporeal beings are from God. They do share common characteristics even in their apparent differentness.

    I think about the last office I worked in – for a gas tanker company. As a group of 8 (terminal manger, 2 admins, safety manager [me], and four dispatchers) we were insiders and yet not exclusionary. We treated anyone visiting in an inclusionary manner- automatically translating our internal manners and language so they could understand. Their opinions were respected as of equal value. I have visited companies where I felt distinctly excluded. When a group shares a common reality, it is impossible to not become insiders. And yet that does not have to be exclusionary. It seems that we tend to be exclusionary unless we pay attention and stop it from happening. Not sure why.

    So, there are really four categories: insider inclusionary, insider exclusionary, outsider inclusionary and outsider exclusionary. The insider/outsider refers to the commonness that a group shares. The inclusionary/exclusionary refers to how we relate to those not of the group. Those of Faith should be insider inclusionary but are often, due to religion, insider exclusionary – refusing to share even their God.

    Anyway, that’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it. In a comment (which is already too long) sized discussion that appears to be a statement of faith but rest assured it has a lot of examples and structure behind it. Thank You Diana for the probing questions and the opportunity to express my views on the topic. You are the best, as always.

    • “we tend to be exclusionary unless we pay attention and stop it from happening.”
      You put your finger on it, on human nature. I had meant to add in the 80 Days Around the World Race wrap-up that it is our nature to divide. Many of us will go a step further and exclude. I actually like the quadrants you set up. Only you, only you, Paul.

  7. Have found myself an outsider most of my life. Now I have a community and still feel outside. The elders saw this as good, up to a point, and liked to tell me I overdo it. LOL! Some habits are hard to break.

  8. If we are talking about being needed or used, I always felt like an insider–no real reason other than that I had confidence that I was capable of handling whatever situation I came upon. We were poor, but I did not know it. I had three brothers and no sisters, but I never felt inferior to my brothers. In fact I felt like the mother to the last two. My elder brother was never a challenge to me even though he supposedly had 150 IQ. I had good old horse sense. LOL, should I stop right here? Let me clarify I was *not* the favored child because I was a girl or, for that matter, any other reason. If anything I was least favored because I had to iron the boys clothes, polish their shoes and take care of them.

    • No, not quite talking about being needed but in social circles outside the family it actually does come into play, Beth. Some of us talked (mostly under the Single at Sixty post) about people’s taking refuge in leadership roles in the church to stave off the feeling of not fitting in. Someone I know actually shared this with me, too, how she helped launch a church mostly to fit in and fill that void, that hunger for acceptance.

      • Starting a group within the church might fill such a void–bolster the feelings of inadequacy, but starting an actual religious movement would be counter productive. I know there are many who have done that, but having yet another denomination seems only to add to the religious confusion in the world. I may have misunderstood what you were saying.

        Don’t you think that a child who feels needed and useful at home will be one who grows up to feel secure in most social circles? I think back to your own writings about your family (your mother in particular) and how you knew she loved you. That love and acceptance has extended way beyond family. It has made you who you are.

      • I know you remember Jim Jones and the way he began a religious movement to bolster his own ego. Look at the trauma and trouble that ensued from his desire to make himself look good. Religion must not the arena for self promotion, but it often is. Our faith in God should be too serious to play with.

      • I have great affection for you, Beth. And I also have glimpsed the responsible, trustworthy daughter and sister behind the woman of convictions who has joined me here.

  9. I’d echo some of the sentiments above. If the insider is not deliberately excluding others, they might not think themselves an insider, because they don’t see outsiders as “outsiders”.

    Likewise if they feel in danger of being excluded by other insiders – then they might see themselves more as one of the “outsiders”, if in disguise.

    • Was just thinking about you when your comment came in, B. =) I like the way you unpacked it. ” If the insider is not deliberately excluding others, they might not think themselves an insider, because they don’t see outsiders as “outsiders”.” But in a racial setting, say white people in the majority might not deliberately exclude those of color but looking up, they won’t be able to help but see that they (the colored) are outsiders.

      Your second point is something I had hoped to tap here. What is going on inside the hearts of those we look upon as popular and accepted. I think there is a lot of that sense of fear and threat they must wrestle with under the smile, esp in certain settings or seasons like high school.

      • High school is brutal. For my whole twenties, no matter how bad things got, I consoled myself with the thought that at least I wouldn’t have to do high school again 🙂 .

        True about visible/obvious things like colour. I still maintain that people might not appreciate the “outsider” feeling based on such characteristics if they are not themselves consciously excluding those who look different.

      • You were more mature than your high school peers, yes?

        I’m wondering if the majority of insiders are conscious of their social status – at least in that particular setting – and of those who are, if they will then naturally go on to exclude. Paul, who commented just before you, said:

        because it seems that so often we become insiders in order to be exclusionary.

        I think I agree with him.

      • I was more mature than some of them. Not sure if I was more mature than average, though 🙂

        This is why it’s such an interesting question. Paul talks about “becoming” an insider, but when it comes to visible characteristics, although we can put them on show or try to downplay them, they’re not things we choose (except in cases of cosmetic surgery, I suppose).

        So I wonder if being and “insider/outsider” operates differently when it’s a learned skill vs a physical characteristic.

        In the one case people might feel it’s just “as it is” – which could cut either way. In the other case people might either jealously guard their skill, thinking they “deserve” their place or remember what it’s like to have come in from outside.

      • “So I wonder if being and “insider/outsider” operates differently when it’s a learned skill vs a physical characteristic.”

        Yeah, good, important distinction, Bronwyn. Well, with race and class history has seen more of the first, the exclusion Paul spoke of:

        jealously guard their skill, thinking they “deserve” their place or remember what it’s like to have come in from outside.

        It’s the humanitarians, the Obamas (I’m not saying yay or nay for the Os), etc who have done the latter.

        But we’re asking about the masses.
        I still don’t know LOL.

        But one of the recent guests noticed that people couldn’t help but keep answering that they have felt like an outsider much of their life — on THIS post.

  10. During high school I felt very left out. A group of kids in my church got together every Friday night at each other’s houses for cards, games, etc. I would have killed for an invitation. Decades later I got the courage to tell one of them just how much I wished I’d been part of the gang. Their answer floored me. They saw themselves as losers and thought I was way to cool to be interested in their lame entertainment. That was an eye opener for me.

    • LOL!!!!
      I LOVE this.
      I was all sad with you reading through, knowing I would’ve felt the same.
      And then yeah, floored.
      That was cool of you to be honest as an adult.
      THANKS for sharing, Jane.

  11. Insiders and outsiders? Thinking of high school–I was a jock but poor and from a single-parent family–considered privileged by many (both scornfully and admiringly), but looked down upon by the clique-kids (wrong clothes, run down house, divorce something that happens to bad kids, etc) most people assumed I associated with. Alternately, the freaks, arty types, and so forth were almost worse, derisive and suspicious. Not the same as race stuff–but the socioeconomic and “moral” dynamics proved interesting in retrospect. Several of the parents who didn’t’ like me around their kids because my dad ran off would later split via spectacular, gossip-inflamed, country club-shattering infidelities, one particularly cruel father of a peer embezzled hundreds of thousands of dollars from clients, bankrupting them, himself, and his family in the process. Karma, right? No regrets, though–I found a clutch of loyal friends who, with their liberal families, became a sort of extended family to me, and developed healthy senses of both humor and cynicism.

  12. I will never know what it is like to be an “insider.” Having lived in six countries, there is always some part of me that feels outside of regardless. But definitely curious about what that must be like. It sounds like heaven, but from what I now know about life- it’s probably like anything, pluses and minuses and the feeling that the grass is always greener on the other side- I guess it would be on the “outside” for the insiders. 🙂

    • Paraphrasing what some of us have said here, grass must look greener to the Joneses, too, Diahann. And it just might be your grass. I think you’re right. For so many things and mileposts people look (forward) to, long for, when you get there, it’s pretty much like anything. Which is why serious mt climbers look to the next peak to scale, athletes keep going because one trophy isn’t enough, and the Donald Trumps keep playing Monopoly with their bank account.

      In your situation, though, you have so much to offer and so much life has given you from all the cultures you have experienced.

    • Thanks so much, Beth. I really do appreciate all the loving support. Oh, I don’t advertise my full name. Hence the username Holistic Wayfarer with people I don’t know/too well. But it’s all good, and I thank you.

      D.

      • Oh, so sorry! I should have known that, but sometimes my brain has cobwebs in it. I looked back and couldn’t find the comment. Just maybe it did not go to the blog itself. We can hope.

        I can’t tell you how much your blog articles have encouraged me, and I felt compelled to share–especially considering the subject was cooperation.

  13. There was an article I read during my graduate studies about inclusivity/exclusivity. The overall point made was about survival and excluding those who didn’t posess the same variables (race, status, etc.) reinforced the need for the inner circle to remain. I personaly have been a lone ranger all my life not because I chose to but never found a fit. Especially having lived in a few states one always feels like an outsider.
    I think based in my observations of having lived on the east coast, southwest and now south central there is a shared value that is expressed in culture and the diffficult thing about culture is it is easily seen than explained (I speak theoretically). Thinking out loud here but the question posed makes me think about boundaries created to not violate personal space, establish differences versus creating differences to hurt, manipulate and control. Hmmmm…food for thought.

    • I’m not surprised to hear of such an article, esp in higher ed. Seems a lot of evolutionists would lean that way. Isn’t that what we see in reality TV, with group members voting one another out in situations calling for survival? AlTHOUGH I don’t watch TV so it’s quite a vague impression I have from scenes I happened to catch here and there way back. The rest of your comment we explored in the Race, as you know. You’re right. commonalities within a culture are often more readily felt and seen than explained. You don’t have to explain them to someone who shares ’em! A good point:

      “boundaries created to not violate personal space, establish differences versus creating differences to hurt, manipulate and control.”

      That is what identity is, whether personal or collective. A literal definition, as of ink inscribing the shape of your being against your context. Necessary and good – even wonderful – to define our own boundaries. Just gets messy when we go beyond that to create differences for such negative and hurtful purposes.

  14. I don’t know why I automatically go to high school, but I guess that’s where all the cliques where most prominent.
    I was voted the class clown in high school. I was an athlete too. I was never afraid of embarrassing myself (especially if it brought a laugh). I was never afraid to talk to anyone. Anyone. From the coolest kid in school, to the All American sports star, to the book worm, to anyone. They’re all just people after all.
    I could pretty much fit in with any group, though it didn’t mean I always felt I belonged. I always felt like I was just bouncing around. Maybe I was there to entertain them? I always assumed I wasn’t really a part of all the cool groups, even though others maybe thought I was, even though I wasn’t afraid to mingle with any of them. Even this ‘insider’ saw himself as an ‘outsider’.
    But you never know. Like when one of the cool girls asked me to prom…yowza, that’s a shocker. Then the next year the All American volleyball player asked me to prom. Wasn’t expecting that. I thought I was just their clown.
    So maybe if you think your an ‘outsider’, you’re really an ‘insider’. I don’t think it really matter what you think you are, it seems that it depends on what other people think. Maybe just all the ‘insiders’ felt like they were trying to infiltrate the ‘insiders’ groups even though others thought they already were. You can make yourself what ever you want to be.

    • Yeah, you’re right, a lot of us went right to high school here. I really appreciate these reflections, Scott. Apparently your ease at migrating boundaries put everyone else at ease: ” I was never afraid to talk to anyone”.

      “I could pretty much fit in with any group, though it didn’t mean I always felt I belonged.”
      I’ve wondered WHY you always wanted to make people laugh. I know a good part of it was the joy of bringing joy. But I imagine the affirmation felt nice, too. Comedians do what they do to compensate for the tears they would otherwise cry.

      I like the flip perspective:
      “So maybe if you think your an ‘outsider’, you’re really an ‘insider’.”

      “I don’t think it really matter what you think you are, it seems that it depends on what other people think. ” Hey, that’s the RACE series, right there. A glaring point we noticed in many of the guest posts. But how we feel about ourselves and others does matter, IS defining.

      “You can make yourself what ever you want to be.” I really like this, though many have experienced otherwise. So many on this post and in the last two series here have felt that they just can’t infiltrate that wall.

      • Thanks D! Yes, I think people are stuck on their own self consciousnesses. They think they shouldn’t be allowed to talk or hang out with other certain people, when in reality, if they just let go and went for it, they’d be fine.

        That reminds me of the gym. People tell me they don’t want to go because they feel embarrassed being around so many people who go there all the time. They think they are looked down upon. Well as a regular gym goer since I was 13, I can tell you that the regulars only look down on the people who show up once in a blue moon – that won’t create much change…They actually RESPECT the ones who are there trying regularly to make a difference – no matter what they look like or what shape they’re in.

        I even hear it from runners – they tell me they’re scared to be around other runners because they’re afraid they’re too slow. These people will even run at night so they aren’t seen by other people. I’m not the fastest in the world, but I do OK. But I’m NEVER afraid to talk to the local elite runners. Just cause their faster doesn’t make them scary to be around. And talking to them I know they are so proud of everyone who is out there running and trying to get better. That’s how I feel too – I don’t care if you’re a walker…as long as you’re out there trying!
        Sincerely,
        Sad Clown

      • Huh! They’re all afraid in all those circles, huh? The thing is, I knOw most people aren’t really LOOKing at them. And even if anyone happened to have a passing condescending thought, who the hec’s gonna hold onto that for a year? Will any such judgmt matter 4 yrs from now? I know at my gym everyone’s focused on HIS, HER own body and regimen. You sure said it. Self-conscious. I don’t run outdoors – as much as I’d like to – but I’m sure runners inspire one another not only to see others going but when you can engage a bit.

        And that’s a nice way of putting it: we certainly are allowed to talk to whomever. Thanks for the examples.

  15. Awe social circles…been in them…around them…never felt I had a “need” to be in most circles…Yet even in every day life I think groups are there…Hawaii is very different than where I grew up in the Midwest…so sometimes this melting pot can be a bit fragmented for me…Just growing up in a middle class professional family…it seemed somewhat I was an insider…yet my metaphysical…mystical..empathetic self…had no real “home” growing up…I actually turned away from groups that had an image to uphold…I always felt I was “different”..yet have heard many wonderful comments about how accepting I am…I think we may all have outsider stories..until we discover we never needed someone else to tell us who we were anyway…I always encourage people to look “inside” to find what they are looking for…a different look at being an insider…not being defined by the outside world…TEHE….we really are all the “same” spiritual beings…with our masks of differences…finding my acceptance of self has helped for neither being an insider or outsider…yet connected to others without judgement…which provides a space for anyone to step in….Much Love to you Diana…as you provide heart felt conversations here! Heart to heart Robyn

    • I imagine you were always different, R. =) In a good way, I mean. I really like this:

      “yet connected to others without judgement…which provides a space for anyone to step in…” You put your finger on the sense of judgmt we allow ourselves to fall into – the perception of others we feel and then our own. It seems you’ve created a lot of space for others to step in.

      Been thinking of you. Thx for adding to the discussion.
      D.

      • You are welcome Diana…I have been thinking of you as well..I created a Dental Temp Business and working pretty much full time again Ha…Just loving to connect to you when I can! Heart to heart Robyn

      • Thank you Diana…I appreciate your thoughtfulness my dear…I have been working mostly 5 hour days as opposed to 10 in the past…a good balance so far! I am much better at not overdoing it these days! I will keep in touch! Heart to Heart Robyn

  16. Dear H.W. I enjoyed your essay. Your point made about the numbers not mattering, brings to mind an experience I had as a high school coach.

    Our tennis season had ended our season with another loss; rounding out a perfect record of 0 wins. As I gathered the boys around for our final good-byes, I noticed from them a cavalier demeanor about what had just transpired. I think they were surprised at what I had to say.

    I told them I was pleased with their effort all season-for always being on time and giving their best effort, when seemingly they had nothing to show for it. They became pensive, with that to think about. Then, I finished my comment as follows:”The most important thing that you can take away from a season can’t be placed on a mantle or hung on a wall. It is something that will not be, packed away in a box, need dusting or forgotten. It is character. And it belongs to he who gives his ultimate effort, against the most difficult odds, regardless of the outcome. Character belongs to both the winner and loser.” It belongs to you.
    -Alan

    • Wonderful, Alan. I believe you meant to share this under the other post on the Virtual Revolution? The deeper rewards we gain and gifts we gift the world are what I explore on this blog. Coaches make such a lasting impact in their work, too. We thoroughly appreciate our son’s in mixed martial arts. I understand you to be referring to the stats I’d mentioned, that I’m not worried about them. I do care. I have a hard time believing any blogger who claims otherwise. Not sure why they don’t disable their likes, then. It’s that I’m not hung up about my numbers. They also help me track my growth, obviously. But my community has made me feel like the wealthiest woman in the cyberworld. =) Thank you for enriching our discussion. I appreciate your time here today.

      Diana

  17. I spent my school years trying to fit in. I managed that pretty well. Lots of sports, good grades, all that. As an adult I gradually learned that being myself was far more important. I’m quite ‘out of the box’ now. especially for my age. I am told i am bonkers regularly for being adventurous. It makes me smile.

      • Do you think that is because we have more confidence as we age/ Or are people more accepting as they age? Or maybe both?
        Delighted you think I’m cool by the way. 🙂

      • Hey, you’re supposed to care less what I think as you grow older. LOL Good question. Seems the acceptance would lead. Because why would insecure people suddenly turn confident? But both are certainly there.

        With more life experience, we see everyone falls short. And I’m sure the fact that high school as an institution lasts only so long helps a lot. Just interesting that even adults can be so high schoolish in some settings.

My Two Gold Cents in the Holistic Treasury

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