My Wife Is An Animal

Blue = Mr.Β  Black = Mrs.

Listen to this, the 2014 Reader’s Digest: “LIMIT ARGUMENTS TO THREE MINUTES. John Gottman of the University of Washington found that the most important points in any argument can be found in the first three minu–
I’d LOVE that! I’ll hold up three fingers to signal time’s up and you have to stop being pissed.
— after that people often repeat themselves at higher decibels

Do you ever get tired of hearing that you’re right?
Because I get tired of saying it.

If you missed Car Accident – in the Garage, one of the first posts on the Holistic Journey, don’t enjoy the prequel to the latest mishap too much. In a hurry getting out of the house last week, I somehow backed out of the garage before the door had rolled all the way up. The damage wasn’t as horrifyingly extensive this time but the door has a new, shall we say, design. A mold of the back of the minivan.

I’ll need to fix it with somebody. The bump is too big to tackle alone and we have to keep mice and cats out.
*Hardly able to get the words out in the laughing* I know how we can fix it.
Ram it from the other side.
*Laughing along* “That is really funny. And logical.


Actually, you are the perfect opossum. It looks cute but when you get in its face, it is one scary mother.
How do you know this?
I ran into an opossum once. When I was a security guard. I was patrolling the grounds at midnight and thought I saw a cat, thought I’d chase it away. When I reached it, I saw it was moving too slow for a cat. I thought, this is no cat. It’s an opossum. It bared its fangs at me.
What did you do?
I slowwly backed off, saying, “Whatever you want, honey. You win.”



98 thoughts on “My Wife Is An Animal

  1. 😁
    Love the last line.
    I have a feeling it is used quite often at your house Hahaha!!

    Great story. Thanks for the laugh. Wonderful to see you on the feed.
    Have a great weekend! ☺

  2. Ha! Marital mischief indeed. That 3 minute thing is just not going to work for me. I need at least 3 minutes just to explain your opinion to you. πŸ™‚

    I like the part in marriage where you lose your desire to fight at all, where you’re like, “awesome, I can hardly wait to lose this argument.” It sounds kind of nutty but it happens, those moments of bliss where you just think ahhh, sometimes when you lose you really win, those moments when you go, “I think I’ll let him win and then I can just be married to a winner.”

  3. Well, well looks like you’ve been a naughty girl, Diana (verbal wizardry, wrecking doors and the like)! Thanks for the laugh. Out shopping for school clothes and it’s a jungle out here πŸ˜‰

  4. LOL. Scared of am opposum πŸ˜€ Then again, they do look like they bite hard in the image you showed…

    I like your logic of fixing the garage door. You know, those things can be expensive to fix. Men should never, ever mess with the Missus. Never… πŸ˜€

  5. I learned a few things: 1) Opossums can act vicious. (I thought they just played dead.) 2) I am not the only one who struggles with garage parking/exiting. (I have not hit the garage door, but I do worry all the time about alignment and position. I am not the best “in reverse” driver.) 3) Mr. HJ has a good sense of humor to match yours! 4) Laughter is still great advice for a good marriage! Thanks for sharing.

  6. Ah, nothing like the beauty of communication when both sides know the rules of the others… Hilarious and warms my heart with laughter to see you writing again πŸ™‚

  7. Three minutes? Ha! Would never work in this family… πŸ˜‰ When my boys fight, it takes much more than three minutes to sort through the the “he did – but he did – but he was the one who ….” strings. – But ok, this are kid’s fights…. Husband-and-wife-arguments…. well… different story… would we get three minutes each or is that for both sides of the story? That could be though… πŸ˜‰

  8. “You win” It seems to work, with any animal. ☺ Love your garage door solution. I thought you might have meant something quite different with that phrase. That would have shut down the argument in less than 3 minutes.

  9. Here’s my two cents on garage doors. You can use this excuse if you want, D. I’ve told this story on a blog before. Down near Las Vegas there is a small park that stays green all summer. The Big Horn Sheep look down on the park from high up in their desert mountains and decide that the green grass will taste good. So down they come. Been doing it for years. A guy builds a new house next to their path and the house has a shiny aluminum door. The herd ram, a giant fellow, comes by one day and sees himself in the door. Only it isn’t himself he sees. He sees another large ram who wants his flock of pretty ewes. There is only one thing to do. He rears up and charges the other ram, smashing into the door. Again and again until the door is crushed. The guy had a heck of a time persuading his insurance agent that is what happened. True story. I’ve been there a few times to photograph the rams and they are indeed, big horny fellows. So next time you back into your garage door, tell your husband a big horn sheep did it. πŸ™‚ –Curt

  10. I think my Mr. could learn a few things from your Mr. πŸ˜‰

    I recently had a similar car-vs-garage mishap. Only I happened to be in a hurry to get back IN to the garage, and didn’t realize the door wasn’t all the way up. Sadly my antenna was taken off, but thankfully that was the only damage. Sigh.

    • Ha ha ha ha. Ok, so we are just two examples of extremely talented women, but we beg the asking: ANY guys out there who are as clumsy and uncoordinated? In any case, welcome to the Club! *stamp hand*

  11. I’d say the honey gets and appreciates you :). I love that you have a sense of humor around mishaps such as rammed garage doors. Our newly replaced bumper got dinged by our backyard door and I wasn’t as relaxed about it. In all fairness though, we’d had the new bumper for less than 48 hours and I had yet to enjoy it’s newness and shininess.

  12. I do believe I backed into my garage door before it had fully lifted a few years before you did. So, if you need any pointers on how to do this even better, just let me know. Wink, wink.

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