Love: Sometimes You Want Your Money Back

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A simple man, all he had was the dream he would build her with his two hands. I was watching my husband on screen, having agreed to see Brooklyn with no knowledge of what it was about. Tony was a lot like the Mister and I, much like Eilis the contemplative, strait-laced student. But these weren’t the reasons I found the film interesting. It sprang right out of my last post, The Path You Might Have Taken. I’m going to curb the storytelling but if you’re like me and hate spoilers, skip on down to the romantic off-screen dialogue.

Agog, I became impatient with Eilis when she started toying with Jim. Entirely out of character, her actions just weren’t credible. I then realized the script would’ve fallen flat if she’d behaved predictably. Not only would there be no cinematic climax, no struggle meant no discovery, inner resolution, or growth. And wait. Haven’t I acted out of character at times? We don’t live and certainly don’t love in smooth moral trajectory. One foot in Brooklyn on the land of dreams an ocean away, Eilis tests the other on a diverging future as if the commitment she had made were exchangeable. She eventually pulls a foot out and learns the power and responsibility of choice. While I enjoyed the film, I was surprised at the slew of award nominations, considering that it wasn’t high drama or action. Goes to show we never tire of the sweet love story or the question of what might have been.

PrepSpeaking of which, I walked down the aisle 11 years ago this day. (Note the numbers 1-23. So the man doesn’t forget.) Thank you, honey, for wooing me all over again. Happy Anniversary.

Mrs: You had NOTHING and I married you.
Mr: I…really don’t know if I should be insulted…or proud.
—————————————————-
Kneeling

A calm, respectful request:
Mr: When I say something you think is stupid, can you just be SILENT? You can give me the you’re-such-a-dork look but can you just please stay QUIET? I will love you even more.
Mrs: Silence! Hmf. Silence??
DanceReceptionHuh.

—————————————————
Regarding this transaction we call marriage:

Mr: Hey, I want my money back. *laugh*
Mrs: YoU? YOU want your money back??!
*laugh…laugh….laugh*

 

194 thoughts on “Love: Sometimes You Want Your Money Back”

  1. Wow, you said a mouthful, or wrote, as the case may be. As a husband (46 yrs) who still says dumb things, I would underline and capitalize the dialogue about ‘just be silent’. The ‘lecture’ is much worse than the ‘look’. Alas, I endure…got to go, I think I forgot to lock the door, or was it close the drawer all the way…

    Reply

  7. I have also had times when I wanted to request my money back, so to speak. But there have been far more times that I realize I should award a bonus. All in all, we’re a good couple.

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  8. We don’t need to say stuff about reimbursement…. we keep our assets separate but share living costs.

    You see, he is divorced with now 2 adult children.

    He and I have been together for last 25 years after his divorce. We couldn’t ask of better partners and lovers for one another. So important not take each other for granted. Love, trust and respect is like a warm fuzzy blanket.

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  9. So you were married on Jan 23, 2005?

    That is the day I became a mother! Congrats to both of you on the anniversary of your journey together. And I love that a day so precious to me is as precious to you 🙂

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    • *Goosebumps* Yes, that’s the date. How wonderful. 1, 2, 3 is apparently something special. It’s funny how we mark life chapters. We can look back and point to a day when our destiny took its turn. Thanks for sharing. So glad you did.

      Diana

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  10. Love the pics and your own story, sometimes I wonder what happened to the young couple we once were? Kids, debt, and up to our eyeballs in that stuff called life. Better to have loved and lived I guess. My father use to say at least you know you are alive when life got tough (he had nine kids) Happy anniversary, I hope the coming years are kind to you and your hubs Diana

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    • Wow, nine! Your poor mother! (Not to speak ill of you or your siblings. =) ) And yes, you described it well, Kath. Life becomes a whirlwind of bills and doings. We renewed our commitmt to the marriage in the new yr. He’s been massaging my feet and back every night – often by the fire – and has been helping me sleep. =)

      Xx
      D.

      Reply

  14. I think you may have uncovered a truth about the differences between women and men around the world ~ women, just as with the plot of the movie, realize “…the script would’ve fallen flat if she behaved predictably” so the drama begins 🙂 There isn’t nothing quite like the small stormy squalls that do come to stir up the emotions, and allows us all to evolve and grow. Such a beautiful post and tribute D. ~ and I think your husband must be so very proud of you as a wife, mother and writer. Wishing you a happy filled year ahead.

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  15. Since I plan on seeing Brooklyn this week I did skip the spoiler part. I looked at your photos read the captions which I just loved, loved loved! Happy belated anniversary to you and your husband Diana, here’s to many more years!

    Reply

  24. “Eilis tests the other on a diverging future as if the commitment she had made were exchangeable. She eventually pulls a foot out and learns the power and responsibility of choice.”

    Does a lifetime commitment emerge from a marriage vow or does it arise from an accumulation of years of togetherness and mutual expectations? Yes, Eilis married Tony for a night but was that really a sufficient reason to return to Brooklyn if she believed she had found true happiness with Jim? You can’t have it both ways. Either Eilis had the power and right to choose who she wanted to spend her life with or she didn’t. Her marriage and one night with Tony were important considerations in her choice, nothing more.

    Belated Happy Anniversary HW. I wish you both much joy.

    Reply

    • There was no obligation to visit, MG. In any case, your perspective leads us to ask what the meaning of marriage is. That piece of paper from City Hall was supposed to mean more than a movie stub from a date. When Tony asked her to marry him, he was asking her to redefine herself and to belong exclusively to him . And the film wasn’t convincing that she had found true happiness with Jim. He was the monkey wrench thrown in to provide some real plot with tension. In fact, the courtship with Tony had been developed so thoughtfully (and convincingly) that it was hard (for me) to suddenly buy into Jim. But you are certainly allowed to ask your questions as a viewer, ever the devil’s advocate. =)

      Reply

  25. “your perspective leads us to ask what the meaning of marriage is.”

    In my inimitable way that is exactly what I was attempting to do irrespective of the film script. I agree with you that the courtship with Tony seemed ‘right’ but I was posing a hypothetical question. The marriage vow is a lifetime commitment usually made when we are in the “enchanted garden” and at a time when we lack the emotional and intellectual maturity to make lifetime commitments. Nature wants us to have children and to be around to protect them, and if we generally expect marriage vows to be kept, more of them will be kept. Having said that, a reasonable man in a contemplative moment, might conclude that it is rather surprising that so many marriage vows are indeed kept until death.

    Reply

    • Naïveté and finite understanding are a blessing. I don’t know who wOuld sign up for something that can be so challenging if they knew what lay ahead, outside that Enchanted Garden. We vest our words, oral and written, with binding authority (in vows and marriage certificates) to save us from ourselves. Fortunately, this keeps spouses working to keep loving going and their families together.

      Reply

My Two Gold Cents in the Holistic Treasury

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