My New Brain

I am not alive or dead. My muscles are wood and my skull is cracking. I swear it’s cracking. Someone’s tightening my heart like it’s a screw and I hear the world from underwater. Sound and images blur, broken like my brain.

In truth, I have no idea how I built this blog sleeping once every four days. That’s on a good month. But I’m not writing to detail the insomnia hell that’s been my life these twenty-five years. In fact, I’d rather not get into it so please respect my wish on the comment board. I write to share a breakthrough I’ve experienced because while I have felt completely alien among the people in my life who look so rested and functional, over 60 million people are supposed to suffer insomnia in America alone. If you happen to be among them, yes, I’ve read your posts. I’ve plenty understood. You might find freedom from your living nightmare here. Or maybe you can share this treasure with someone who is suffering.

I heard about Sleep Tracks from a doctor over the summer. Familiar with neurofeedback and the fact that our alpha, beta, theta brain waves are supposed to be running in a certain pattern, I saw the validity of what I was reading and got the tracks right away. Yan, the mastermind behind these audios that reset your waves, offers a selection of tracks to help you find what is suitable for you. There are sounds for those who can’t shut down and for those who can’t stay asleep. Pulses to help you nap while enhancing your night sleep, pulses that ease anxiety. There was some stop-and-go while I experimented but I clocked in more sleep in July than I had the whole year up ’til then. I was off and running, able to attend the homeschool conferences and work on a music project – so productive that I couldn’t blog. After a little over a month, I had trouble sleeping with the tracks; my body was telling me I didn’t need them anymore. It was unreal. I could…just sleep. Life then threw a curveball and I’ve been in the process of disentangling from some unexpected challenges, but the tracks have been helpful again most nights. I can’t tell you the things I have tried and were willing to try over the maddening years. What works wonders for others would only aggravate my pains. But these audios have given me a taste of life beyond mere existence and survival.

If you get the audios, you are privy to an online sleep course with practical, useful guides and information that help you take ownership and regain control of your sleep issues. (I love Yan’s French accent.) If you want to talk to the man, he may take a day or two to get back to you but will provide knowledgeable guidance. As for those of you who’ve never had trouble sleeping, I think you’re weird. I find you very difficult to understand. (Wanna trade bodies for a day? A day in the !@#! life of Holistic Wayfarer. Will give you post ideas.)

216 thoughts on “My New Brain

  1. Hey Diana!!
    How are you?
    You came to my mind today hence the message. I am glad you found an answer to the insommnia.
    I hope the last part of the year is going well for you.


  2. Wood—muscles—tightening–screws–

    Tremendous image if I can politely say, keeping in mind that these colors point to something far more intense.

    Loved this rawness, and hoping the best for you 😉 😉

      • Point taken D.

        Speaking of his daily frustrations and somewhat misery in the midst of his simple happiness, Tevye @ Fiddler on the roof says to God, ‘I know we are supposed to be the chosen people, but can you choose someone else for a change.’ Love that honesty.

        Or something like this, but it’s great insight into the groanings of humanity.

        But muted, yes, as there is a reading between the lines.

  3. The technology does seem that tapping into a solution for insomnia should be close…and while I have suffered from it briefly at times (perhaps a week of bad sleep…) it resolves itself in bliss with a series of great nights worth of sleep. You have my absolute sympathy and a much bigger wish for you to conquer this issue. I remember worrying one time if I would begin to “fear” going to bed, which really scared me as I thought that would be the worse and somehow that made sleep come easier to me.

  4. PURPLE COWS – I know it sounds silly, but it has worked for me for the last 10+ years. I cannot turn off my brain, especially at night. Our farm, grandson, gardens, new business, old business, family, kids, money you name it, I am worrying/thinking about it all-all the time. Even when my body is completely exhausted – the brain is still, PURPLE COWS…I force myself to repeat that phrase over and over until I actually try to picture the thing…since it pulls me very far from the here-and-now, I have tried a number of different things – pills, meditation, yoga, therapy- they all help but only to a point. For some odd reason, the purple cow works? Just a thought to share with someone that understands!

  5. Interesting concept and Yan’s background is equally interesting. I might have to look into this because as it stands now I’m thinking nothing short of shock therapy is gonna help. Thank you for the helpful post Diana and I wish you well. ~Steph

  6. hum, I’ve tried the audio therapy before, for my never ending insomnia that’s only getting worse. It worked for a bit but not long after I guess my brain got used to it, Now I use melatonin if it is really bad :O

    • Manufacturers are doubling, quadrupling the safe and effective dose for patent reasons. Reprehensible. The body responds to as little as .3 mg and they’re selling them at 3 and 5 mg now. You might break it, the next time. Exceeding the dose will disrupt your cycle and as with everything else, you will build resistance while weakening your ability to produce your own.

  7. 25 years of insomnia will do things to a person. Undead Di. Sounds like you need a real vacation, where nothing needs to be planned, just sit back, and let the cares fall away… Zzz…
    Oh—what was I saying? Purple Cows? No, that was someone else. Whatever the idea, get well for you, Di.

  8. I am very happy to hear that you are doing better. I do not think you are weird because you are different from me. I am simply thankful that you have found something that is able to make your life better and more enjoyable. Life in a fallen world can be very difficult and is so for all of us, howbeit in different ways. I will pray that you continue to improve and find peace in God’s will whatever may come.

  9. My mother was an insomniac, and it was not until I was an adult I could understand what it was, and what it did to her. There is so much more research into the depths of our brains, and the inter-relatedness of everything. Never, ever give up searching for a less invasive cure or amelioration of your sleep issues. For yourself, and for the effect your well being has on your family I laud you for your continued journey.

    • Thank you so very much for the encouragement, S. Yes, you actually understand – as best you can. I hAve thought about/hoped my boy (young right now) would some day come to that point like you. Life is hard enough even for those who can tackle it in full strength. Appreciate your taking a moment.


    • I held onto your encouragement these two years never to give up on healing….and actually caught sight of the light at the end. Thank you so very much. Our words go such a long way.

  10. My neurologist put me on magnesium last year. I already took some in several other vitamins that I use, but apparently it wasn’t enough. I toyed around the the dose for several weeks. By the end of the first week I discovered I was sleeping through the whole night. My insomnia started back in 1990 when I was working a lot of nightshifts. It was wonderful to have such a simple solution and wished I had known about it years ago. I take 250mg in the morning and 500mg an hour or two before bedtime. My fibro pain is gone as well. Each of us is different–what works for one may not work for another.

    • “I’ll bet your life is too intense some days to write in your blog.” Extremely thoughtful of you. Actually, yes. Thank you so much for reading with open ears and listening with open eyes, Daniel.

  11. I cure everything with herbal tea. I’ve known what each herb or grass does since I was 5, my grandma taught me. I am also eating only food I make for myself. I’m also growing plants for me and my family. I’ve done so much medical research over the last 30 years and seen so many test results from clinical trials, that I believe anything is curable only excluding harmful chemicals and unnecessary products from our daily routine. I believe, if I did not have this knowledge of how certain things we consume affect us, I wouldn’t be in this dimension. Taking into account all the aftereffects of my surgeries and all the troubles after that accident which took away big part of me, I’m doing really fine.
    I suggest you start listening to yourself, we all have this ability, we just don’t spend enough time doing this. Our body can clearly indicate what we are short of or what we have excess. It’s sometimes nothing complicated, but it has destroyed the internal chemical balance either within the brain or in the entire body and we cannot get back to our homeostasis. Nothing can exist being out of balance. So, I hope you slow down here and there, check out any tea you can possibly get and your body will tell you which ones are you need. Next, you repeat this with all vegetables, fruits, herbs, etc. You will be always able to recall what gave you the feeling of harmony and peace and you will be able to repeat this as necessary. The same works with self-cure for any other issue. I have hard times waking up because of low blood pressure. So, I try different things, coffee comes later, but I need at first rose-hips, lemon or lime water, etc.

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