1. I look 27.
2. It’s all about me. ME. ME.
3. I am an English Professor.
4. I’m on top of it. Not under it.
5. There are still no women around.
6. I can sleep. Just flick that brain switch.
7. I don’t have to hold my tongue to pull off a rockin’ marriage.
8. Time lets me put out the 20 posts waiting, waiting to see day.
9. I don’t do stupid things like look for the pair of glasses on my head.
10. Husbands don’t have ADD when their wife talks more than two minutes.
11. I’m a bottomless reservoir of patience and sweetness as wife and mom.
12. Marriage isn’t work. Nah, those vows were an easy ride into the happily ever after.