Dance. Marriage. They serve each other as metaphors.
The Story in the Dance
Part of the charm swing dancing held for me in my early California days was its expression of manhood and womanhood. I noticed right away that it anchored men in their responsibility
1) to initiate the relationship (from the sweet, genteel May I have this dance? still extant in ballrooms) 2) to lead his partner gently through to the end.
I could slide out to the floor knowing virtually nothing of the steps the song calls for, but ended up looking like a queen when I allowed myself to lean into the cues of my skillful partner. When I relaxed under his control, the dance turned out smooth, fun, elegant. He turned my wrist, knowing where he wanted to take me in the next part of the song, and my feet somehow followed. In strong, watchful arms, I even did aerials. I flew. When he was insensitive, busy enjoying himself; or plain clumsy, I got injured. On my part, I could usually attempt only moves my partner knew. No matter that I had just learned some cool steps in a class if he didn’t allow me to showcase them. The night I met my husband, he made room in the dance for me to spin and sashay hips in a way not usually done in Swing, blending my elaboration into his choreography. The times I tensed with other men, especially in the exasperated judgment that they didn’t know what they were doing, we went out of sync and lost cadence and harmony. Which meant that oddly, yes, when I swallowed the impatience and went along with the artless motions of a dud of a dancer, we actually ended up looking pretty okay as a couple. He could take lessons, and come back new and improved. But as long as he was a botch-up all I could do to salvage us in that dance was to go along.
The Story in the Marriage
The longer you stay married, the more you experience the ways you can keep in step with one another and enjoy the music or slip into a dysfunctional waltz where you keep tripping your partner: pull or push too hard, lead without seeing the other, or refuse to follow in trust. It really is a holistic journey, so simple we miss it. All a dance is, is a pattern. The Lindy, 123 and 4, 567 and 8. Repeat. It is math in music. A healthy relationship builds on a pattern of ingenuous courtesy. You keep in tune to each other’s wishes.
The video was taken at our wedding reception which we held at the ballroom where we had met. We couldn’t run for you the original music from the reception for copyright issues, nor could we shorten it readily so if you don’t have two minutes, please don’t bother seeing it through.
I’m clearly no dancer. Peter is a different story. It was his impromptu idea at the wedding celebration that we enact how he’d approached me that fateful night we danced as strangers. So I stood again on the very spot where he’d first asked me
I just realized it was today in May, nine years ago, that we met. Happy Anniversary, Honey. Sorry I kept talking about dancing with other guys.
26 thoughts on “Dance and Marriage: Metaphors”
I really enjoyed. Especially the opening and how it is the exact place where you met. Neat!
How romantic, holding the reception where you first met! Great metaphor.
Thanks for viewing and commenting. Peter’s idea. =)
Love this!! the metaphor just flows with the realities of marriage.
Thank you! I look forward to visiting again. =)
This is beautiful, and yes, I did watch the whole two minutes! I especially liked the veil-bump under arm turn. We DO think alike! My husband will appreciate the mathematical approach, he is definitely the one who keeps count with the beat when we dance. I’m more apt to get lost in a hip sway! Don’t you just love the interplay of discipline with grace?? Uh-oh, I feel another blog post coming on.
HA HA HA….isn’t it great? The way posts are birthed… =) And yes, discipline and grace. Something I’ve thought on.
oh your a good dancer LOL
You guys should teach dancing hehe love the ending move 😉
What a fabulous post about dance and it being a metaphor. Thanks for leading me this way. … BUT, I think you danced well! 🙂
Ha ha..thank you. No, even I can tell I wasn’t good, watching myself. Enjoyed your blog. You look to be having fun. Thanks for your time.
My pleasure … and as you can tell, I engage with those who comment.
So do I. 😉 And I have mentioned here that I have some of the bEst readers in the world. =)
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I enjoyed reading this post 🙂 I bet you break out dancing when you hear the song that was played that night 🙂 Keep dancing! 🙂
Thanks for the sweet word and the visit, C. The swing music does take us back and make us wanna groove. We old fogies are just so busy!! I hope you’re well.
🙂 yes, I’m cool. Hope you are managing among all the things you have to. Remem to take lil breaks to breathe 🙂 Tc
Love our points of connection particularly, but enjoyed the whole post. Video makes it real!
It is this wonderful exchange of common (even discordant) strands blogging enables us to share. Thk u for ur time, Eileen. Going w/ shorthand. I don’t know how I’m going to get back to last night’s readers w/ the Carpal! Xxxx. D.
Love this…my acupuncturist made me realize i want to learn to dance so i can learn to be led 🙂 I wrote about it last year! You two are absolutely lovely! 🙂
What insight! Very cool acptrst (and now I feel even closer to you knowing you see such a practitioner). Shoot me the link. =)
Kindred spirits! 🙂 ❤
That took me back a long way in time to the rock and roll era of the 60s, Nice illustration of how a married couple need to anticipate and trust as they do the dance of life together.
Goes back farther, Ian. To swing and ballroom before the rock ‘n roll. =) You summed it up very well. Thanks so much, buddy.
I love, love, love this video! It is so cool!
Thanks, Jan. =)
Beautifully written and what a lovely couple you make! 😊